Big Sy's Blog

I wasn't there this time - but I really was.

Another blog post I liked :)  Thankyou Mr Hamilton! I've credited this as entirely your work, and not mine and if you click below you can go to your blog! :)

- Sy

http://www.ignite.cd/blogs/jools/index.cfm?postid=667#comments

I wasn't there in body this time.

But man, I was there in Spirit!

Ireland 43 - England 13 ... the most points ever scored against England, in front of the biggest crowd to watch an England Ireland game, and the biggest ever points difference - a HUGE 30 points win.

If I didn't exactly share the tears of some of the players who stood with their hearts on their sleeves during the historic opening protocals, I certainly had a tear of joy the closing celebrations.

I wasn't there this time - but because I had been there last time I could almost smell it ...

People who say things like "hmmmmmm, well yes, he actually used to be a Christian, but he's a backslider now" annoy me. The phrase backslider has always given me trouble for several reasons ...

I believe that God is a lot less willing to label people than we are

I believe God is much less willing to judge than we are

I believe that phrases which manage to degade human beings through simple vowel sounds, do not give real help in matters of real life

I believe that it's a lot more difficult to 'loose faith' than some would say

So for these reasons (and others) 'backsliding' as a phrase and a phenomenon has met with distaste in my mind ...

...and, perhaps more deeply than other reasons, when you have been there, tasted what is on offer, when you are in the middle of it and can smell it - then, I suspect the deep memory is actually a lot more difficult to ignore than some would like to think. It's the people who give the label 'backslider' who are easy to stay away from - but not the heart of the matter ... it may be easy to stay away from organised faith because of many of us within it ...

but 'it' is not that hard to shake off - not when you've been there - not when there are times, when even though you are far away, it seems like you can smell it.

Benjamin Zephaniah

Flip me! Mentalness abounds!

Right let me explain, when i dated a certain Cookstown girl I would often drive home and listen to BBC Radio 4, we'd go out some tuesday nights and there was some kinda world black poetry session show and it was AMAZING! Its where i first heard the work of Benjamin Zephaniah....very cool guy. He did a piece called RongRadio and it was pretty profound. So i thought I'd try to embed the YouTube video on the blog....its a bit dancey, he performed it dry when I first heard it but I suppose it kinda works.

See for yourself and leave me a comment!

S

Drafts and Jazz

Meet Genuine Draft....a band from Bangor it seems! A mate of mine, Dave McGarvey joined as their lead guitarist after the other one left for sunnier shores (namely Scotland or something!) and he played Katy Daly's last night with them. Which leads me to one of my more mad entries in the bloggyness that is my life!

So I'm working in the office about 9.30 and I get a call to come down and hear Dave's band, Juls and Bryso my partners in crime at 105.8fm are heading down and its gonna be well worth it (Dave and Bryso and brothers). So i'm feeling wrecked after pouring myself into books and I take a wander down. I was really really surprised! They've definately got something goin on and its pretty impressive! The first band were terrible (white riot they were called) I mean this is a bunch of guys that look the age of my pupils! The lead guitarist tried to get some respect when he said "This one's for my mate who died recently of a heroin overdose" I'm sorry but those guys looked like they hadn't even overdosed on skittles let alone class A drugs! Anyways they were off and Genuine took to the stage and my surprise began!

Anyways check them out www.myspace.com/genuinedraftni

I'm really lovin "Stardust" its really mature rock, its not the usual voice breaking scream that comes out of these little punks but actually something musical and progressive! Its funky! It makes me want to rock out in the car or wherever I happen to hear it. This is something to watch for the future, they just need a heck of a lot of openings!

On another note I'm going to a Jazz Club! How exciting! Now anyone who knows me will agree that I have a massive love of Jazz, from my first ever listen to John Coltrane right through to my experiments with Jamiroquai's Acid Funk and Spyrogyra's Jazz Funk Fusion its been my one huge loves (can I call it a love without sounding like a prat?).I actually got my hands on a replica Selmer by Trevor James, its in a black nickel finish and looks amazing. I really need to get practising again, I miss the funky soulfulness, in fact I'm going to book myself in to watch the Blues Brothers again! Because quite frankly, 'We're on a mission from God!' lol What a legendary soundtrack too....the first sneaky law breaking CD I ever had....the memories!

I think it'd be very cool if the guys actually dressed up for the Jazz gig, I can just see me in my tux with the open bowtie hanging round my neck, trying to look as good as ol' bogey did in Casablanca....but alas I'm a hefty big brute so maybe not lol maybe i could be his fat stunt double lol. Another of my favourite movies actually, how cool is Humphrey in this one, he loves the girl but can't stand her at the same time, she left him, he left her, what did happen in Paris? Who was really in the wrong. Still he doesn't get the girl, she follows her sense of duty and doesn't go with the man her heart truly loves.....But they'll always have Paris. So yeah, a bit of style and panache for the opening night of this joint! lol

Well there's so much more to talk about but it'll have to wait until tommorrow.....

Sy

There's Always Someone Cooler Than You

So I promised the lyrics! My all time favourite song at the moment. Here's my comments from the music review:

...Its happy and bright and lets me know that I'm a screw up :) Ok so i'm being defeatest but who cares, It also reminds of the times I go to the Empire and see the cool hip happening people. It reminds of two aquaintance I know, the first, a hero of a musician that is so talented but just tries too hard and is too cool for school, the other, that one hot girl everyone knows who tries too hard when her real beauty would just shine through if she let it. Why can't people see its ok to be freaky and misshapen.....oddness can't be replicated it just happens.... and when it does, its flippin attractive!.....

Read and go think about the words Mr Folds sings!

-S

Smile
Like you've got nothing to prove
No matter what you might do
There's always someone out there cooler than you

I know that's hard to believe
But there are people you meet
They're into something that is too big to be
Expressed
Through their clothes
And they'll put up with all the poses you'll throw
And you won't
Even know

That they're not sizing you up
They know your Mum fucked you up
Or maybe let you watch too much TV
But they'll still look in your eyes
To find the human inside
You know there's always something in there to see
Beneath
The veneer
Not everybody made the list this year
Have a beer

Make me feel tiny if it makes you feel tall
But there's always someone cooler than you
Yeah, you're the shit but you won't be here for long
Oh, there's always someone cooler than you
Yeah, there's always someone cooler than you

Now that I've got the disease
In a ways I'm relieved
'Cause I don't have to stress about it like you do
I might just get up and dance
Or buy some acid-wash pants
When you don't care then you got nothing to lose
And I won't
Hesitate
'Cause every moment life is slipping away
It's ok

Make me feel tiny if it makes you feel tall
But there's always someone cooler than you
Yeah, you're the shit but you won't be here for long
Oh, there's always someone cooler than you
Yeah
There's always someone cooler than you
Oh
There's always someone cooler than...

Life is wonderful
Life is beautiful
We're all children of
One big universe
So you don't have to be a chump

And you know
(And you know)
That I won't
(I won't)
Hesitate
(Hesitate)
'Cause every moment life is slipping away
(Away)
It's ok
(It's ok)

Make me feel tiny if it makes you feel tall
Oh, 'cause there's always someone cooler than you
Yeah, you're the shit but you won't be here for long
But there's always someone cooler than you
Oh yeah, there's always someone cooler than you
Because there's always someone cooler than you

Cooler than you, boy
Cooler than you, girl
Cooler than you, sir
Cooler than you, my lady

Oh
Nerds go wild!
Yeah, yeah...........

The Iron in the Rubbish

Staring down a one way street..... Kinda like life! 'm very aware of my linear state at the moment and I'm very very aware that we can't always go back and fix things to how they were. The past couple of weeks have been really interesting for me to find myself and find my direction in life. I suppose I'm standing pretty much where the photographer is and staring down the street. I've no choice in the direction i'm going in, i'm hemmed in. But i can decide how i'm going to travel.

Photography is really interesting, my mate Alan is scarily good. This guy is a fantastic musician but also excellent at photography! Its a gifting that has just come out recently in him and God is doing pretty amazing things with it. He gave me my photo today and his words were pretty haunting. It was of a rusted iron down at the docks lying on a crumpled hessian type material. It was just dumped in among the rocks and the rubbish but still gave an amazing story and command. When i saw the picture i knew it was mine, when he told me the words that came with it I was blown away:

Sy, Stop trying to iron things out, stop working to please God and let him sort out the creases in your life. You will never get through that pile of Ironing unless he does it for you. Stop trying to smooth your path for yourself, he'll make all roads straight and all objectives clear

Pretty amazing huh?

I'll get a picture of it up soon. I promise.

S

St Valentine and the little blue pill....

So! Its Valentines day! Redness and hearts and love abounds.....or does it? Well Mr Cynical here isnt feeling the flow! I suppose my title sounds like a dodgy children's story! But...as from today men aged 30-65 can order Viagra over the counter in Boots following a short consultation with the pharmacist. Pretty mad eh? Maybe its my fundamentalist head on my shoulders but something just doesn't sit right with me about the little blue pill. Its like our Valentine's day have shifted colour from red to blue as we try to please our partners sexual desires and whims rather than realise why its a day to remember. Now don't get me wrong I'm not heading down the commericality route and sounding like a madman comparing it's significance to something like Christmas but i do think the day means more.

I'm all in favour for the alternative St Valentine's day....a day (not the 14th February!) where every gift and treat is hand made and means something so much to the other person instead of useless tat that will clog up our rooms and be a pretence for the whole lust factor. Don't get me wrong its not because I'm single! Why shouldn't I give my friends who are girls a bit of a complimentary boost and tell them they look beautiful (it was originally 'hot' but that word was considered too chauvanistic!). Its about a time to appreciate friends and people we love and respect. So why does our world end up being drawn to the 'little blue bomb' and create a self image based entirely on lust for their central theme about what St Valentine's day is for......

Food for Thought

Snaffled this from Pete's blog....check him out in my linky link links section.... If i find more I might put up my favourite blog posts on a new site....

Happy Reading!

S

Whirlwind

It has been a bit of a mad January, I have to say. Like so much has been stirred up and it's just working out the sense in it all! Firstly some changes on the job front might be on their way... watch this space. It'd be great if it all works out:-) It feels like a time where some serious work is needed, like this is a time to grapple with things. I know I would like things to be easier a lot of the time, but I know it's also the case that what we put in we get out and now is a time for wrestling, but yet being at ease with not having all the answers. A whirlwind is a mad thing, it's catches you up, and can be destructive... it can also uncover and reveal... and God spoke to Job from one...

So from the start of this year, David Ervine has died (with a remarkable cross-community funeral for an ex-paramilitary!) and Sinn Fein are supporting the police, we're going to an election and conceivably Ian Paisley could be the First Minister of a devolved assembly by the end of the first quarter, with Martin McGuinness riding shotgun (figuratively, of course). So what am I saying? In the context of pushes for Scottish independence (the 300 year anniversary of the treaty of union was Jan 16th past) and with this being the 400 year anniversdary of the flight of the earls, it seems something is shifting in the islands around identity, government and control, and not least how we deal with our shared history. The question for NI is, will this 400 years mark a return of some kind of local responsibility? A vacuum was triggered those centuries ago, can it now be filled? We'll have to ride the whirlwind and see, and perhaps out of this one God may speak...

It has been a bit of a mad January, I have to say. Like so much has been stirred up and it's just working out the sense in it all! Firstly some changes on the job front might be on their way... watch this space. It'd be great if it all works out:-) It feels like a time where some serious work is needed, like this is a time to grapple with things. I know I would like things to be easier a lot of the time, but I know it's also the case that what we put in we get out and now is a time for wrestling, but yet being at ease with not having all the answers. A whirlwind is a mad thing, it's catches you up, and can be destructive... it can also uncover and reveal... and God spoke to Job from one...

So from the start of this year, David Ervine has died (with a remarkable cross-community funeral for an ex-paramilitary!) and Sinn Fein are supporting the police, we're going to an election and conceivably Ian Paisley could be the First Minister of a devolved assembly by the end of the first quarter, with Martin McGuinness riding shotgun (figuratively, of course). So what am I saying? In the context of pushes for Scottish independence (the 300 year anniversary of the treaty of union was Jan 16th past) and with this being the 400 year anniversdary of the flight of the earls, it seems something is shifting in the islands around identity, government and control, and not least how we deal with our shared history. The question for NI is, will this 400 years mark a return of some kind of local responsibility? A vacuum was triggered those centuries ago, can it now be filled? We'll have to ride the whirlwind and see, and perhaps out of this one God may speak...

Big Sy's Confessional Booth

Time..... Something i've talked about before but something that alludes me always. I'm a pretty busy guy but i've been really challenged recently by Rob Bell's book Velvet Elvis (pub by Zondervan) Rob's an amazing guy who I'm respecting loads because he has been through good times, great times and pretty darn rubbish times. I suppose i kinda need to admit something and Big Sy admissions never, ever come easy. I'll bottle up and bottle up until i explode. Someone once described it as a the lemonade hand grenade, we feel crap and then we blow up and leave everyone sour....hopefully you're getting the image! :)

Rob Bell had an experience like this.... in a way.... he talks about it on 103/104 of Velvet Elvis, now ok so he had a reason to be bricking it, he was the pastor of a 30,000 strong church called Mars Hill in Grand Rapids Michigan. Big Sy aint in that league! But the story goes that he has just finished the 9am service and was getting ready for the 11am service and he blitzed off to a storage cupboard to be alone. He was moments from leaving his commission, moments from walking away....

"It's one thing to be an intern with dreams about how church should be. Its another thing to be the thirty year old pastor of a massive church"

Rob explains:

"I just couldnt do it anymore.

People were asking me to write articles and books on how to grow a progressive young church and I wasn't even sure I was a Christian anymore.

I didn't even know if I wanted to be a Christian anymore.

I was exhausted

I was burned out

I was full of doubt

I was done

I had nothing more to say.........."

Nothing more to say, let that sink in......Nothing, mute, silence, darkness, the void.....Nothing left to say....

Its a dangerous place when we say something trivial to save us from saying nothing of importance

I suppose I just want the world to stop, I live a hectic life and God is screaming on the other side of a sound proof window....I can't quit my many commitments and it will have a devastating effect on who I am let a lone the things that I'm involved with. Some girl asked me earlier this evening if I ever sleep, I'm always thinking up ideas! I intended to be in bed 4 hours ago....that really worked! I'm always on the go and its taking its toll. I think about when I'm older and married and how i'll need to commit to my family and stop this mentalist lifestyle. But my favourite author as a child still gives me hope. Roald Dahl (never the most Christian of people) had a motto I've adopted as my own:

My candle burns at both ends,

It will not last the night,

But ah, my foes and friends,

It gives a lovely light.

Pretty Amazing eh? Really really sums me up well.....keep going till you drop and have to be carried off the stage. But Rob taught me that sometimes dropping happens sooner than we think, I've been restless lately and I love the work I do but I can't help but think that its all foolishness or vanity (Think Ecclesiastes!). I keep being reminded of Matthew 25, the story of the sheep and the goats. The goats worked for God, worked in the name of Jesus but he didn't remember them. Not just remember, he had never even met them! Man I work so hard in his name, does he know me? What would he think if I gave up the worship band on a Sunday Morning, stopped the Radio work, walked away from the church choir on a Sunday evening, didnt teach Sunday School or look after the kids on the bus to Sunday school. Even walking away from speaking in primary school SUs and my Mullartown House camp I'm so dedicated to. Would he be angry that I havent used my gifts? Would he think i'm an unworthy unfaithful servant? Or would he see a bloke who is so knackered he needs to go and find himself again.

I promised myself I'd never retain a fear of man and that's exactly what's happened, my fear of others opinions and the fear I'll never be able to return to the work I do has made me keep going at a possible cost of my well being/health.

In the words of U2 back at that huge gig in The Point Depot, Dublin on New Years Eve 1989....

We need to go away and dream it all up again....

Let's be blunt, I need and We need to put away all the silly egotistical crap that does no one any good and doesn't help build God's work.......we need to throw it out into the gutter and start to dream.

Let's go dream it all up again.

S

The Latest Update

So its been a while! The mad mad life I lead has taken more turns than enough lately and I haven't really had the time to stop! I got the results for the essays back and God was really gracious in helping my hard work pay off.....great results! 75 in the first one from before Christmas, and 64 in the scary one that i've been writing about. Total confidence boost, God has been pretty amazing!

I've also been working as a substitute teacher in a local primary school near home. Its in Ballyclare about 10 miles from me. REALLY amazing school! The staff are mainly Christian and they really care about the children, the atmosphere is one where they want the children to excel academically but also emotionally and to have a wide range of activities they can take part in. I love walking in each morning becuase i know that its going to be amazing, and each day can really count.

As you can see from the photo at the top, I ended up at the 6 Nations clash on Sunday! It was Ireland v France and it was very, very depressing! I mean there we were in the Nally stand on Hill 16....a really political part of the stadium watching a sport that had never been played at Croke Park in all of its history and Ronan O' Gara steps up to kick to post right in front of our eyes. The stadium waited with bated breath to see the Irish team solidify their lead. He kicks.....and its good! The flags go up, Erskine is going mental beside me and Donks is rather impressed too, his manly yells and whoops emphasise this idea! But elation soon turned sour as the French started their play immediately and caught us off guard. It was so harsh! Clerc, an amazingly fast player at the best of times, (even after 79 minutes of play!) took the ball and crashed the Irish defense to score a try that was quickly converted. The commentators mentioned the noise of the fans all around croker but nothing could prepare them for the groan of depression that went up with Clerc grounded himself well inside the try line. Man it was devastating! But definately a memory i'll hold forever, I'm really really glad the lads were with me, a really cool day but also quite a bitter pill!

Other than that I'm working really hard on the kids' camp stuff, the school stuff and the PhD stuff! As they say there's no rest for the wicked, well that's me getting no R & R in the near future!

I'll right another blog in a bit if I can be bothered.....I've been getting abuse from a certain baldy for not keeping my blog updated! I suppose i better!

Sy